I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize