ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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