You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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