I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
love makes seman taste better
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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