i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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