my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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