Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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