why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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