So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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