Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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