Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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