Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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