I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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