she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to calm my uterus...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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