We're facebook friends in real life
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize