i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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