I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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