So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
