I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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