Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize