I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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