If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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