he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize