Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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