my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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