Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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