sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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