Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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