last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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