You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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