a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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