i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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