Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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