life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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