PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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