Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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