true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she told me i tasted like america
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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