shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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