I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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