yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
