Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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