when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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