I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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