Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize