I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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