I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize