This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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