Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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