Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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