Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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