I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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