giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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